I'm done

No, not with blogging. You wish. Oh, I'm just getting started.

No, I'm done–as in finished–with something quite different.

As I posted before, I'm in the ad industry. The glorious, exciting, martini-lunch world of advertising. Lucky me.

We get to be creative. We get to go to exotic places. We're constantly striving for a better solution, a better way to communicate your need for a useless product.

However, there are some problems in this idyllic world.
We don't get to be creative.
We don't get to go to exotic places.
And we're not constantly striving for a better solution.

What we are doing is competing. Constantly.

Trying to one-up each other, and get in good with the higher ups.

We just recently finished a huge project (although how "finished" it is is anyone's guess). And I got to work with my friends. Some pretty close friends, considering how much time we spend together.

And we turned on each other like in "Lord of the Flies".

I listened to such backstabbing remarks and cuts to others' work, that even I, the queen of criticism and judgement, was made a bit uneasy.

Why are we like this? Why are we willing to rip open our sometimes-friends, for the sake of a tv spot which will be changed and tweaked and watered down and re-written until it is unrecognizable?

Why do some feel this is ok?

I must admit I'm guilty of this to a small extent. Okay, to a big extent.

But on a normal level.

In a "Ugh, he was so annoying in that meeting. And did you see his hair?" kind of way.

But I don't say one thing about one person and then blatantly LIE to that person's face.

That's high school stuff and I want no part of it.

Obviously, a lot of this comes from insecurity. Because to create in any sense, you kind of have to lay yourself on the line, put yourself out there. Say, "Here's what I came up with and this is who I am." That's pretty intimidating.

And you have to stay relevant. Always.

And to stay relevant, you have to be kind of hip. And most of the people who are hip are pretty young.

And this is a really young industry.

As in, 35 is old.

That's why one guy I work with actually lies about how old he is. Really. He's in his early 50s and he claims to be mid-30s (Well, that was last summer. I believe he aged himself this fall and is now claiming to be early 40s). This is how desperate people are to belong in this world.

And it's never really bothered me that much.

Call me callous, but the goings-on in our industry never made me bat an eye.

But now I'm feeling some Catholic guilt.

Maybe it's because I have a kid and I'm trying to model nice behavior for her.

Maybe it's because I'm getting older and I'm just sick to death of the whole thing.

Maybe it's because I'm looking at these people I've known for years and really seeing them for who they are.

Because if you can call someone a friend and then act like the antagonist in some poorly-lit soap opera...that's not something I want a part of anymore.

But my options are limited.

I have a degree in creative writing and I work in advertising. Not really a springboard for much.

I googled "Life After Advertising" and found lots of useful info.

Like the guy who just couldn't take it anymore and so went out and bought a vineyard. Or the guy that realized his real love was pottery and quit it all to become a potter full time. And don't forget the woman who realized she had an "eye for color" and started her own successful fashion line.

Now why didn't I think of that?

I think the key to living in this world I've chosen is probably just to try and find what I do like. What makes it bearable.

And honestly, the creating of good work is addictive. The energy you get when you feel like you're onto something, the feeling you get when you solve a problem...that's why we're all here. I get that adrenaline high when I'm working on something good. We all do.

I think that's doable: looking for the good in a sea of bad. And really, sometimes it's worth it. Sometimes I think to myself, "I love what I do."

I'll try to ignore that these times are getting fewer and farther between. And I'll try and find what I used to love about my job. I'll actively seek it. I'll roam the halls, look under desks, look in closets. I'll find that passion.

And then I'll jump as soon as I find something better.